Jar of hearts
by Sonea27
Summary: Inspired by the same named song. Helen needs to gather her thoughts and make a final decision. Slight spoilers for 'Hunted'.


**Author's note: **I know, I know...I wanted to write a lovely story for Valentine-Day but I happened to listen to 'Jar of hearts' by Christina Perri while watching the Sanctuary episode 'Hunted'. Immediately I grabbed my laptop and started taping. After more than an hour I had almost 3 written pages and no homework ;) Listening to the music while reading is advisable, will make more sense...

Again, thanks to Fell4 for beta-reading!

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><p><strong>Jar of hearts<strong>

Helen stood once again on the North Tower. It was 2 a.m. in the morning and all residents of the Sanctuary were deep asleep but her. After a time that had felt like hours Helen had finally given up and made her way upstairs, lost in thought. She was playing the last couple of hours over and over again in her mind.

John had been killing again, she'd freed him of the energy elemental and soon after that he'd taken it again only to save her and the Sanctuary. And he had told her that he still loved her, had tried to convince her Whitechaple hadn't been his fault. Not fully.

_I know I can't take one more step towards you__  
><em>_'Cause all that's waiting is regret__  
><em>_And don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore__  
><em>_You lost the love__  
><em>_I loved the most_

The rain was soaking her clothes, the wind finding his way through her thin and wet cloths made her shiver. The night was cold, as cold as her heart. Helen shook her head, tears slowly forming in her eyes. There was no way she could let him in again.

_And I learned to live, half alive__  
><em>_And now you want me one more time_

She had given herself to John. Had loved him with her whole heart, her entire being. Did he somehow think that she would drop everything she'd built in the past 100 years—just for him? It had been hard first, but Helen had learned to lead a life without him, to stand on her own. She wouldn't give that up so easily.

_And who do you think you are?__  
><em>_Running round leaving scars__  
><em>_Collecting your jar of hearts__  
><em>_And tearing love apart_

The Helen he knew, the young and naïve woman he'd loved back in the old London, had died a long time ago. Killed, in a reckless experiment designed by four young men as naïve as she'd been. Murdered like one of the whores in the streets of Whitechaple.

_You're gonna catch a cold__  
><em>_From the ice inside your soul__  
><em>_So don't come back for me__  
><em>_Who do you think you are?_

Helen was still able to hear his voice, telling her that he'd changed. She could fell his gaze on her, feel his touch. Who was he? Messing up feelings she'd locked away for a century, reminding her of a time long gone. 'No,' she whispered. There was no way he'd get her back. Never.

_I hear you're asking all around__  
><em>_If I am anywhere to be found__  
><em>_But I have grown too strong__  
><em>_To ever fall back in your arms_

Helen was supposed to be the strong woman, the one who'd stand where others failed. Nothing was too difficult for her, no way too far. She was the one who didn't complain, who had her emotions always under control. Nobody ever asked her what she wanted, others came first. Her outer shell was hard, nobody ever sees her true feelings.

_And I learned to live, half-alive__  
><em>_And now you want me one more time_

Sometimes she had dreamed of what might have been, if he hadn't turned mad. Whenever she'd seen a happy family in the park, a couple walking hand in hand or a child playing with its parents Helen hadn't been able to stop herself from thinking.

_Who do you think you are?__  
><em>_Running round leaving scars__  
><em>_Collecting your jar of hearts__  
><em>_And tearing love apart_

With John around her, Helen was always reminded of Ashley. Just looking at him made it difficult not to remember; he looked so much like her. It killed her every time, and he never realized it. John hunted her, in not only one way, but two.

_You're gonna catch a cold__  
><em>_From the ice inside your soul__  
><em>_So don't come back for me__  
><em>_Who do you think you are?_

John wasn't the man she'd met at Oxford and, no matter what, he'd never be again. Too much had happened. Even if some day she could rid him of the energy elemental, nothing would change. She would never be able to erase the pictures frozen in her mind, how he'd sliced the throats of innocent women. And he couldn't erase what he'd done either.

_Dear, it took so long just to feel alright__  
><em>_Remember how to put back the light in my eyes__  
><em>_I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed__  
><em>_Cause you broke all your promises_

John had promised her a life, a wonderful, happy life. But he'd broken all his promises, shattered her heart into a million pieces. He had left her broken and alone. Pregnant in a time where bringing the child to term would have unleash a disaster.

_And now you're back__  
><em>_You don't get to get me back_

It was time for her to get her heart back. She just couldn't do this any longer. Helen clenched her fists and made a decision. After this night, Montague John Druitt wouldn't hold the pieces of her heart anymore. She would have gotten them back. If they would ever be fixed again was another question, one nobody could answer. It would take time, if her heart was to be mended.

_Who do you think you are?__  
><em>_Running round leaving scars__  
><em>_Collecting your jar of hearts__  
><em>_And tearing love apart__  
><em>_You're gonna catch a cold__  
><em>_From the ice inside your soul__  
><em>_So don't come back for me__  
><em>_Don't come back at all_

But time was something Helen Magnus had plenty of. Maybe in a few decades there would be nothing left but a scar.

_And who do you think you are?__  
><em>_Running round leaving scars__  
><em>_Collecting your jar of hearts__  
><em>_And tearing love apart__  
><em>_You're gonna catch a cold__  
><em>_From the ice inside your soul__  
><em>_Don't come back for me__  
><em>_Don't come back at all_

Helen turned and began to make her way downstairs, to put on some dry clothes. Maybe a time would come where she'd look back without sadness crossing her face. Maybe she'd be able to forget, or at least get over, her tragic past.

_Who do you think you are?_

It was a dream after all, an illusion. But people can dream, it gives them hope, strength to survive coming times and deal with problems ahead.

_Who do you think you are?_

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><p>I require feedback, it's the best and easiest way to make me proud and happy ^^<p> 


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